Sometime in early 2020. I was heavily pregnant and on a bus in New York, on our way for some hospital appointment that particular day. Myself and my son Khalil. He was almost 5 years old at that time and non-verbal.
He was obsessed with entering buses and trains at that time. (Still is) I guess it was because back home in Praia, Cape Verde, we didn’t do buses at all. Anytime he sees a bus or train he would try to jump on it. He enjoyed the bus ride so much and for him to enjoy the ride to the fullest he had to be seated on the bus not standing.
I always try to be extra careful whenever this happens.
On this day, the bus we hopped on was full, and there were no available seats. We had no choice but to stand.
I held him close to me but he resisted. He started crying and trying to get some people off their seats so he could sit. He couldn’t understand why and how we would be on a bus where people are supposed to be seated comfortably yet here we were standing.
I tried so hard to distract him but he kept pushing.
Suddenly one of the passengers sitting (a guy) stood up and gave us his seat. ONE SEAT
I thanked him, sat down, and pulled Khalil to sit on my legs.
He refused and continued crying and pushing.
I stood up and gave him the seat. He was calm for some minutes until he started pulling me as if trying to get me to also sit down. Khalil had very minimal usage of words at that time so it was all based on my assumptions.
There was this middle-aged white woman seated beside the man who gave up his seat. I could see she was clearly irritated by Khalil’s behavior as she gave us some disgruntled looks and her facial expression showed we were disturbing her peaceful bus ride. She then stood up annoyingly and gave me her seat.
I immediately thanked her apologized to her and explained that my son doesn’t understand much because he is on the AUTISM spectrum and it was not our intention to cause her trouble. She responded with a smile which to my understanding meant that she understood.
Unknowing that she was even close to the bus stop where she would get off. Yet she found it difficult to give up her seat to a heavily pregnant woman I thought to myself.
That was when she decided to drop the bomb on me. Just as she was getting off the bus, she turned back, leaned towards me, and whispered in my ears” THAT’S WHY I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN”!!!!
That was sarcasm!!! Meaning that’s my problem since it was my choice to have children and I brought it on myself.
The entire bus ride, those words rang through my ears. I can’t describe exactly how I felt but it wasn’t a good feeling. I don’t know how I managed to get through the rest of the day. The moment I got home I broke down in tears. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones but those words reminded me again of the fear I had when I discovered I was pregnant.
I started thinking “How would I take care of this unborn baby when I have not even finished taking care of this one here?”
Honestly, at, a point, I felt like I was committing a crime just by bringing this baby into this world.
Why would anyone say such to a pregnant woman? WHY?
After clearing my thoughts, I decided to talk about my experience with a group of sisters I like to call my SUPER SUPPORT SYSTEM(SSS)
Talking always HELPS especially when you have the right people to talk to.
Today that baby (Hibba) is doing fantastic things with her brother. She's been the best gift to us on this journey.
Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah)!
My takeaway from that experience is that sometimes when people say MEAN things to you. It has nothing to do with you. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It is just a mirror of whatever horror they are dealing with in their own lives. That woman probably had a lot of baggage she was carrying around her and was simply looking for some innocent person to dump it on.
This blog is particularly for those mothers who are pregnant or nursing babies and already have and/or caring for children with special needs. I know a few who have talked to me in the past. About how people say mean things to them just because they got pregnant after having a child with additional needs.
It’s not going to be an easy journey but with the right support and mindset, it is doable. You will find in the end that a new baby has his or her own purpose for improvement in our special children's lives.
Do not let anyone bully you into feeling less of a mother just because of your children.
There is a higher force (Allah) working above whatever any human being has to say.
May almighty Allah (God)make it easy for all mothers especially those of us with children with special needs.
Amin.
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